Tools & Resources

1. The Friendship Circle Self-Assessment

Eight quick questions to see where your social life actually stands right now. There are no wrong answers, and nothing is stored or sent anywhere. It runs entirely on your device.

1. I have one or two people I could call if something went really wrong.

Never Rarely Sometimes Often

2. I regularly attend a setting where I see the same people (a class, club, team, group, or place of worship).

Never Rarely Sometimes Often

3. In a typical month, I start a conversation with someone new.

Never Rarely Sometimes Often

4. I am the one who suggests plans and sends invitations, at least sometimes.

Never Rarely Sometimes Often

5. When I want to see someone, I propose a specific day rather than saying 'we should hang out sometime'.

Never Rarely Sometimes Often

6. I have people I see or talk to just because I enjoy them, not only for work or logistics.

Never Rarely Sometimes Often

7. I stay in touch with friends with small, regular messages, not only rare big catch-ups.

Never Rarely Sometimes Often

8. When a plan falls through or a text goes unanswered, I can shrug it off and try again.

Never Rarely Sometimes Often

2. Your 90-Day Friendship Plan

Fill this in to turn good intentions into a real plan. Use Save to keep it in this browser, and Print to keep a copy. Nothing leaves your device.

Two recurring settings I will show up to (for example, a weekly class or run club):

One old friend I will reach back to this week:

One acquaintance I would like to become a friend:

One specific, low-stakes invitation I will make (who, what, when):

My one small weekly commitment (something I can actually keep):

3. The Weekly Friendship Tracker

A simple weekly worksheet. Tick what you did, jot a note, and print a fresh copy each week. Consistency, not intensity, is what builds friendships.

Week of:

I showed up to a recurring setting
I started at least one conversation
I learned or used someone's name
I made a specific invitation
I followed up after a hangout or a good chat
I sent a small "thinking of you" message to a friend
I reached back to someone I had lost touch with
I did one warm thing, even a small one, first

One thing that went well this week:

One person to focus on next week:

4. Real resources worth knowing

A short, checked list of authoritative, non-commercial resources. If you are struggling, please also see our Get Help page.

Understanding loneliness and connection

Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: the 2023 US Surgeon General's advisory on social connection and health.
World Health Organization: on social connection, loneliness, and health.
CDC: Social Connection: what it is and why it matters for health.
National Institute on Aging: loneliness, social isolation, and staying connected.

The science of friendship

American Psychological Association: the science of why friendships keep us healthy.
University of Kansas: research on how many hours it takes to make a friend.
National Institute of Mental Health: social anxiety disorder, and how it differs from shyness.

These external links are provided for general information and are not endorsements or medical advice. If a topic touches your health or safety, please speak with a qualified professional.

Free tools to build your social life

1. The Friendship Circle Self-Assessment

2. Your 90-Day Friendship Plan

3. The Weekly Friendship Tracker

4. Real resources worth knowing

Understanding loneliness and connection

The science of friendship